Angered by advertising... A breakdown of some of TV's most head-scratching choices.

#2 - Overly Possessive Wheat Field Owner

 

I don’t have a video link for this one and I actually don’t even know the name of the product or what it does exactly. The true sign of a great ad, no? But if you’ve been watching the NHL playoffs on CBC chances are you’ve seen it, (Sorry Americans).

It’s one of these ads, similar to the Denis Learey voiced Ford commercials where the overly aggressive, halting narrator is accompanied by a graphic for each and every word he says and they spray out on the screen like a 30 second long “font barf” in a cacophony of mis-matched word styles, sizes and directions. Bleh.

I believe this particular ad is for a farm grade weed killer, or fertilizer or something along those lines. It starts out horrible and it ends with one of the oddest line readings I’ve ever heard anywhere.

Luckily, because I’m a bit of an “industry insider”, I’ve managed to obtain a transcript of that very recording session, take a look:

Director - “Ok, great! We just have one more line to get through here so… Let’s nail it and get out of here… Are you ready?”

Voice Actor - “Yeah. So what’s the deal here? It reads a little odd, I’m still a farmer right?”

Director - “Yeah, yeah… You’re still a farmer and you’re very proud of your wheat field.

Voice Actor - “Sure!”

Director - “And we’re rolling… Whenever you’re ready.”

Voice Actor - (Proudly) “THIS is my wheat field!”

Director - “Cut. Sorry… Sorry… You’re VERY proud. Ok?”

Voice Actor - “Ok. Ok. Sorry. Got it”

Director - “And, whenever your ready…”

Voice Actor - (Swelling with pride) “THIS is my wheat field!!!”

Director - “Hm, let’s keep rolling, try it again a few more times. Remember you’re like, really super proud of the wheat field.”

Voice Actor - “Ok… THIS is my wheat field… This IS my wheat field… This is my wheat field???”

Director - “Cut. Cut… Hmm, how ah… How can I say this?”

Voice Actor - “I’m trying to hit that proud farmer note.”

Director - “Um, right, right, no, I get that… Try saying it… How do I put this? Hm… Try saying it…. Like a black guy?”

Voice Actor - “Hm, like a black guy?”

Director - “Yeah. Does that make sense?”

Voice Actor - “Um…Yup… Yeah let’s try it.”

Director - “Ok, let’s roll sound, aaaand, whenever you’re ready.”

Voice Actor - (in a racist “songs of the south” tone) “Thees iz mah wheet feeldz”

Director - “Whoa, whoa, whoa!!!

(A stark silence falls over the studio).

Director - That was great! Now think Angry Black Guy!”

Voice Actor - “Ok, um…” (In his best angry black guy voice) “This is MAH wheat field!!! MAH WHEAT FIELD!!!”

(Another moment of silence)

Director - “Wow…. I think we got it.”

Voice Actor - “Really?!?!”

Director - “Yeah that’s the one. Cut…. Wanna go to Chili’s, split an order of those mini burgers?”

It pretty much cuts off there.

In closing: Enthusiasm is a good thing. Angry enthusiasm is scary. Racist enthusiasm is marketing gold!!!

Coming Soon: #3 - Five World Records (Kind of)

  • 20 April 2011