#5 - Playing Favourites

This commercial played about a million times over the holidays and during the World Junior Hockey Championships… I probably saw it a couple hundred thousand times before I paid any attention to it but it only took one attempt at watching it all the way through to hate the shit out of it.

What a heavy handed piece of garbage this ad is… Chronicling a sibling rivalry between two prairie kids, one loved by his father, one not so much. One, I guess likes tractors while the other is a train man, thus making him an unloved pariah within his own family. I guess. What a bunch of assholes?

But don’t worry… One Christmas they give each other’s kid a toy. The Farm kid pretends he’s excited to get a tractor, even though he probably has a goddamn room full of goddamn tractor shit. He’s a farm kid with a father who grew up obsessed with tractors, after all. Then the train kid gets a train… “Wow!” He must be thinking… “My Dad drives a goddamn train, I wonder if I have a goddamn house full of train shit?”

Spoiler alert: He does.

Eventually they have a nice Christmas or whatever, or at least Grandpa does… As he seems to be enjoying that little girl on his lap. Gross.

In closing: Gross.

#4. Ho-hum, we’ve been robbed…

#3 - Five World Records (Kind of)…

http://www.mitsubishi-motors.ca/en/world-records/

Now, I can’t say too much about this ad, mostly because I actually worked on it but if you haven’t seen it, or even if you have, check out the website for some longer video’s. Some of which feature me hiding in the back seat of the vehicle or running out to make crazy accurate “Guinness Approved” measurements.

I would never accuse Mitsubishi of claiming anything false in these ads, all five records were broken, or I guess more accurately, they were established. And I had a great time working with Kim Patrick from Guinness, measuring, timing and generally making sure everything was on the up and up.

That being said, it’s a long standing tradition in advertising to make real claims about accurate achievements made by a product (all under extremely controlled and deliberate conditions). It can come across as a little suspect at times but, in many ways that’s all part of the game and as an “educated audience”, it’s our job to take everything we see with a modicum of salt. Correct?

Sure. Why not?

Well, that’s all well and good when a product is making large, public, stunt-like claims, like this one, or the Verizon Hot-Spot - “How much can you download before the missile hits the hot-spot” ad. But what about when a company makes a simple, everyday claims like “guaranteed organic”, “made with real cinnamon” or “does not have syphilis”?

How much salt (or penicillin) do we need to have on hand?

In these modern times of social media word of mouth, home made youtube product reviews and unboxing video after unboxing video, it seems unlikely that any company in its right mind would ever make a product claim that they couldn’t back up to some degree.

So maybe this is the new order of things. The new truth. The Colbert coined “truthiness” of advertising and of all things, for that matter. The carefully cropped facebook profile pic. The expertly worded #ad tweet that earns celebrity-A a hefty endorsement sum while celebrity-B “accidentally leaks” a sex tape the same weekend his or her new movie opens.

In closing: Download my sex tape and go see my movie… Also, at some point today, someone will lie to you and for that, you can never thank them enough. Because honestly, the last thing most people ever want to hear is the truth.

#1 - Keystone Light - Wacky Bluetooth Misunderstanding

We’ve all been there, a disheveled bag lady is shuffling down the street, muttering to herself something about how her cats stole her credit cards and used them to fund a political campaign in a foreign country that only exists in her mind… And just as you’re about to apply the straight jacket, you realize, she’s actually talking to her cats via a bluetooth headset and therefore not crazy after all. Oh those unavoidable modern day misunderstandings! 

As a non-drinker, beer commercials have always fascinated me to great extent. One of the many things I’ve always wondered about them is why on earth every beer ad is marketed (fiercely, mind you) toward men, when women buy beer too. In fact, I actually would wager that women buy just as much, if not more beer than men.

This particular ad for Keystone Light could have been a perfect opportunity to reverse the roles and actually market toward women for a change. Instead of casting a prostitute in a horrible top to awkwardly mill around a beer cooler making accidental advances toward an otherwise charming man, how great would it have been to see a “Kristen Schaal” kind of quirky young woman struggling to decipher the accidental advances of a charming, well dressed executive type?

But alas, our gender roles are clearly defined and apparently written in stone, or in this case, Keystone. Also while we’re at it, at the risk of casting a broad gender based generalization in a blog about gender based generalizations, when’s the last time you saw a woman actually wearing a bluetooth headset? I’ll tell you when, Never. Maybe the white iPhone earpiece or the ever obnoxious reality show style, “hold the speaker phone in front of your face hands free method” but the sight of a young modern woman in a 3” long headset is rare indeed. However, that’s actually the least of the worries for this ad.

I was at my parent’s house the other day when it came on. Immediately my Dad reached for the remote and paused it. “Watch this ad”. He said. I quickly remarked that I had already had a discussion with a co-worker of mine, (A female beer aficionado) about gender roles and what not. We watched the ad and then he paused it again. “What was that even for?” my Mom asked, “The guy was cute though” she added. My Dad and I both answered “beer” but then my Dad asked, “What do you think SHE was buying?”. A very good question actually, and worth another watch.

We sat there with the TV on pause, “Does she have the same case of beer?” I wondered. “That would make sense because she was milling around that same freezer”, my Mom said. “No”, my Dad said… “She’s buying a bottle of water”.

One single bottle of unlabeled water. We re-wound and watched it again. One single bottle of unlabeled water. 

Because, it’s impossible to imagine that a woman would buy beer, even in a BEER COMMERCIAL!!! 

In closing: What is she WEARING?!?!?! And did my Mom just say the guy was cute?!?!?! Maybe this IS successfully marketed to women… Except, women never buy beer so they totally wasted their own time with that one.

Coming soon: #2 - Overly Possessive Wheat Field Owner…